Confessions of a Stalkoholic
by ObsessiveBrunette
Summary: "Hi, my name is Sakura Haruno, and I'm a stalkoholic."
1. Prologue

Confessions of a Stalkoholic

Summary: "Hi, my name is Sakura Haruno, and I'm a stalkoholic."

Rated: T

Pairings: Sasusaku, ShikaIno

**Notebook 39**

**Property of Sakura Haruno**

**IF FOUND, PLEASE RETURN TO LOCKER 1012**

Entry 159: Tuesday, January 18th

8:17 am: Spotted in hallway. Followed to bathroom (not in a pervy way! I just nonchalantly waited outside!). Odd, he's taking his morning potty break eight minutes earlier than usual.

8:19 am: Exits bathroom. Walks to cafeteria. Declines two offers for dates. That's right, biatches! He's mine!

8:27 am: Walks to first period before the first bell. He's so smart, beating the crowd like that!

8:35 am: Flips Naruto off for being late, as usual. Name calling.

Sidenote! His shirt is new! It's totallyhot, and this wonderful shade of gray, but not like his 3 gray-gray shirts, or his 5 dark-gray shirts, or his 11 black shirts. It's a new shade! It's so cool how he mixes things up like that.

8:40 am: Takes notes (how scholarly!).

8:56 am: Notes.

9:03 am: Notes notes notes!

Sidenote! He has such nice handwriting…3

9:12 am: MORE NOTES. DO SOMETHING EXCITING.

9:14 am: Oooh! A pause in note-taking to scratch his, er…

9:18 am: Whispers to Naruto. Can't hear! I knew I should've gotten those hearing aids, but no Sakura, you just HAD to have the fashion magazines!

9:21 am: Bell rings. He is the 12th student to leave the classroom, but the first to leave _instyle. _

I will return to you, my lovely notebook, 4th period. Try not to watch too many episodes of Gossip Girl without me.

Why must I have taken Ceramics! Why couldn't I have joined Cooking like Sasuke? We could have a blissful 51 minutes making delightful sandwiches on whole wheat bread ( to keep his muscular figure) with bologna (his favorite meat!) and swiss cheese (his third favorite cheese, after gouda and ched-

Oh my God. I need help.

**A/N: Okay, this is my first try at a fanfic, so I would really appreciate any constructive criticism. This chapter kind of serves as a prologue, and the next chapter will be a better example of how the rest of the story will go. Don't take the story too seriously, obviously, and review if you liked it!**


	2. Chapter 1

Confessions of a Stalkoholic

Summary: "Hi, my name is Sakura Haruno, and I'm a stalkoholic."

Rated: T

Pairings: Sasusaku, ShikaIno

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. It sucks, but I don't.

**Chapter 1**

"So," I said, closing my locker with a click, "I hear you hooked up with Suigetsu this weekend."

"What?" Ino hissed. "Who told you?"

I shrugged. "Naruto, Tenten, Hinata, Lee, Tsunade-sensei…" Seeing her expression made me trail off. "Wait… it's not true, is it?"

"Of course it isn't! I'm not one of his _sluts_!" I knew there was something she wasn't telling me, but something in her expression made me drop it. Behind her luscious blonde hair and baby blue eyes, Ino was fragile.

"I've been thinking," I began, wondering how to best bring up the whole, I-need-an-in-to-your-therapy/sorority-group thing. It didn't matter anyway, though, because she cut me off (in typical Ino fashion). Spinning on her ridiculously high heels, she asked me the question I'd been dreading.

"Why are you talking to me?"

Well.

"Sakura, we were best friends for _ten years _and suddenly you just decide you don't have enough time for me because you would rather spend your time _stalking _some guy who barely knows your name?"

Straight to the point, I see.

"It's not _stalking!_" I shouted, starting to get flustered. And it's not. I don't s_talk _Sasuke. I _study _him. Like a scientist studies a bug, only I study a boy. At least, that's what I tell myself.

"Not stalking? That's rich! You know everything about him, Sakura! You probably know what color boxers he wears to bed on Mondays!"

It's purple. But I wasn't about to say that out loud.

Ino was yelling now, red in the face. I expected her to punch me, or kick me, or mutilate me in some sort of way. I didn't expect her to cry.

As the first tear slipped out of her mascara coated eye (she picked the right day to wear waterproof!), I watched, entranced, as it gracefully followed the slope of her cheek. When I cry, it's the blotchy, puffy, awkward-looking meltdown tears. When Ino cries, she lookstragic, and heartbreaking, and oh-so-beautiful.

I. Am. So. Jealous.

I'm also a terrible person.

"Oh, Ino." I whispered, grabbing a tissue out of my pocket. Three years as a girl scout teaches you to be prepared. Handing it to her, I murmured, "I am so, so sorry."

"It's fine." She replied curtly, putting on her brave face. "See you later, Sakura."

I felt awful as she turned to walk away.

"Wait!" I cried, running up to her. "I'm sorry. Pinky swear! I shouldn't have abandoned two years ago so I could," I flinched as I continued, "_stalk _the boy of my dreams. But if it makes you feel any better, you're still my best friend. Always."

I made sure she was looking into my eyes (totally my best feature!) as I asked, "Will you give me a second chance?"

She hesitated.

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease?"

Ino's face broke in to a grin. "Sure."

As ashamed as I am to admit it, I am 99.9% sure that I emitted a sound only describable as a _squeal _when she said this, then pulled her in for a hug.

And of course, that was when Anko-sensei walked by. "NO PDA!" she barked.

I can't remember ever laughing so hard.

Of course, Ino's "new best friend" was the hot topic of conversation for the next week. I wasn't surprised, though. Ino couldn't pick up milk from the store without someone knowing.

I was invited to all the hottest parties, got to sit at the popular table at lunch, and could finally walk through the hallways without running into someone every five seconds.

I hated it.

People kept trying to take my notebook!

Finally, after Neji asked what I was writing for the fifth time that day, I lost it. In retrospect, punching him probably wasn't the best move. His icky nose blood got all over my shirt! I walked around the rest of the day looking like my period exploded all over me.

So, of course, EVERYONE was interested in said notebook.

You'd think punching someone in the nose would at least HELP to get the message across!

The.

Notebook.

Is.

Mine.

The only person I let anywhere near the notebook is Ino, and that's because she already knows what's inside. And it worries her.

Worries her!

There's nothing wrong with having a notebook filled with a person's each and every move… or 38 others just like it. Speaking of, I need to remember to get another. There are only five pages left in dear-old 39! I'm thinking leopard print on the cover… or maybe zebra. Zebra. Yessssss.

That reminds me, I really _need _to ask Ino about that therapy group. I don't know when this obsession turned from cute to creepy. Probably fifteen notebooks ago.

**Sakura Haruno's Amazingly Fantastirific To-Do List!**

** 1. **Take out the trash! It's getting smelly in the kitchen!

** 2. **Homework. Lots of it.

** 3. **Write about Sasuke….*sigh*

** 4. **DO NOT WRITE ABOUT SASUKE! THAT WAS WRITTEN OUT OF HABIT AND I CAN'T FIND AN ERASER!

**5. **Get help.

**6.** Seriously, you need to take out the trash. It smells really bad in here. Kind of ruining my appetite for this lovely donut.

**7. **Pick out your outfit for Suigetsu's party tomorrow! Look _hawt._

_Alright, Sakura. You can do this. You can dooooo this. YOU CAN DO THIS! _Mentally, I prepared myself for what was sure to be the hardest two minutes of my life.

_Pick up the phone._ Closing my eyes, I cautiously reached for the phone. Just doing so hurt.

_Good girl! Now dial the number. Dial it! _Why was I talking to myself like a puppy? This girl is a homo-sapien, thankyouverymuch.

I uncrumpled the napkin and puched in the number written on it in Ino's elegant, loopy handwriting. Double checking that I had entered it correctly (I've been down wrong-number lane way too many times before), I paused.

_Deep breaths, Sakura, deep breaths. Take all the time you need._

More deep breathing on my part. Sucking in a huge gust of air, I pressed the button.

_Ring…_

_Rinng…_

_Rinnng…_

_Rinn-_

"Hello?" The voice on the other end was female and sounded about my age, which was comforting.

"Hi!" I pipped, then cringed at my cheeriness. I sounded like Elmo on drugs.

"Can I help you?"

"Is this the Unique Problems Support Group?" I asked.

"Special treatments for _special _people!" The lady chorused back.

Special people. That was me. Special.

Great.

Steeling myself, I uttered the hardest words I have ever had to say in my life.

"I'd like to join."

**A/N: And, I do believe that concludes Chapter One. Next chapter: Sakura's first therapy session! And if you can guess who her instructor is, I will give you a virtual hug. Review!**


	3. Chapter 2

Confessions of a Stalkoholic

Summary: "Hi, my name is Sakura Haruno, and I'm a stalkoholic."

Rated: T

Pairings: Sasusaku, ShikaIno

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. It sucks, but I don't.

**Chapter 2**

"Oh, Sakura, you'll just love it!" Ino chirped. She was way too excited to be up at seven on a Saturday morning.

I, on the other hand, was less optimistic about it. I need my beauty rest, and may have been just a teensy bit grumpy.

"Everyone in the group is so nice, it really seems like they don't have problems at all! Except for Lee, but you know, over-enthusiasm is kind of hard to ignore. He's not even going to be here this week though, we finally convinced him to get his eyebrows trimmed. That unibrow was _not_ working for him! The rest of them are really great though, and the building has uber-comfy chairs, which is a plus!"

Why was she still talking?

"And we're getting a new sensei this week! She's our age, so we can really connect to her. She sounds totally nice, from what Kurenai-sensei told us about her last time. She might have been being sarcastic, though, because I think she was kind of bitter about being fired. Still, I'm not very good at detecting sarcasm, like last week I asked dad if I could have ice cream for breakfast-"

"Pull in here!" I yelled over Ino's rambling.

She looked so confused. "But, this isn't the therapy office…" she said.

"I know," I replied. "I need coffee."

"Here we are!" Ino said, looking slightly nervous.

Good. She should be nervous. Nervous that I was about to rip her brains out! She had spent the entire car ride (19 minutes, 31 seconds. Yes, I counted) going on about how great therapy is. And on. And on. And on. Finally, I just turned on the radio.

I think she got the message.

Stepping out of the car, gift box in tow (I wanted to make a good impression!), we walked in to the building.

And holy crap, it was _nice_ for a crazyhouse! Three of the walls were a gorgeous sky blue color, and the fourth was made completely of glass. It looked out into a beautiful tropical garden of flowers I'd never seen before in every shade of pink, blue, yellow, orange and purple.

"Are we having class out there?" I asked Ino, hoping the answer would be a big, fat YES.

She laughed. "Good one, Sakura!"

Then she saw my face.

"Oh, you were serious? No, we don't have class there. That's the meditation area, which is supposed to be open for all, but Jugo pretty much lives there, so if anyone even steps foot in there, he goes all ninja on their ass."

"Jugo?"

"Yeah, he's psycho. I mean, at first he seems like a really nice guy, but piss him off and watch out. He broke the last newbie's arm, just because he didn't say hi to him."

Note to self: Say hi to Jugo.

"Anywho, therapy's down here." She led me to a gold trimmed door, which totally got my hopes up for what was behind it. Holding my breath, I peered in as she opened the door and saw… steps. Lots of them, going down, down, down.

"It's in the basement, isn't it?" I deadpanned. What a buzzkill.

Ino didn't even have to nod. "They have good reasons for it! This way, if someone freaks, they won't break a window and run around terrorizing pedestrians! They would have to get through all of us first!"

That was reassuring.

"Whatever," I said. "Let's do this."

Taking the stairs one at a time (why did I pick today to wear heels? Oh yeah, because I didn't think therapy would involve any STRENUOUS ACTIVITY!) , I could hear voices down below. Well, one voice actually. The monologue went a little like this:

"Hi everyone, I'm your new shrink! I am seventeen years old and go to Konohagakure High School, where I serve as a therapist Monday, Tuesday and Friday. My academics are second best in class, and my name is-"

Wait a minute. Konoha High? Second best in class (after me, of course)? I knew that voice.

"Karin."

And that is precisely what caused to lose my footing and tumble down the last half of the steps, much to the amusement of my new classmates.

Karin. A name I hate with every fiber in my body. A name coupled with a whorish skank, whose red hair is so obviously dyed (unlike mine, which is all natural). A name associated with the sluttiest slut of them all, who played Suigetsu, Naruto, Shikamaru, and every other male in our grade. A name belonging to Sasuke's first and only ex-girlfriend. A name given to the girl that wants him back. The name of the girl who kicked me in the shin in first grade, because I got to read my poem in front of the class, while she was the teacher's second choice. The name of the floozy who has been trying to beat me ever since.

The name of the tramp who was laughing just a little louder than everyone else when I picked myself up from the floor.

Dusting myself off, I was beet red as I took an open seat next to Ino. The gift box I had wrapped remained tucked away in my coat. There was no way I was giving her the diamond earrings, even if they were fake! Mentally, I made a note to wear them to Suigetsu's party tonight. Ino was helping me spiff up after therapy.

Karin, not even bothering to conceal her laughter, turned to me. "Well, so much for a graceful entrance. Don't worry, I'll let you off the hook because you're new."

I hated everyone for laughing. I wasn't about to back down from a challenge, though.

"You're new too." I replied rather snippily.

"Yes, but I didn't publicly humiliate myself five seconds into class."

Ouch. That hurt about as much as breaking a nail. I was the Comeback Queen.

"You're right. You humiliated yourself the moment you walked in the door. News flash honey: that shirt is not your friend."

That's right. Don't mess with Sakura before 10 a.m.

Karin was sputtering now. She looked like a giant fish, and I was laughing my head off.

I could just picture her swimming through the high seas as a chubby little pufferfush, or maybe a manatee (although that's technically a mammal). Glub. Glub. Glub.

"Nice face, Nemo." I called.

That earned me a few titters from onlookers.

Emboldened by their chuckling, I said, "The ironic thing is, that shirt would look better on the fish."

That's when she lunged.

"Ow…." I murmured, holding an icepack (courtesy of Ino) up to my swollen cheek. Karin may be small, but that girl can _slap. _

"Sakura Haruno, what is your problem?" Ino asked angrily. "We arrived two minutes ago, and you've already made everyone else think you're psycho!"

"Right, because I'm the psycho one! At least I didn't break someone's arm!"

"No, but you did break Karin's wrist!"

"So? Who needs wrists? Birds manage without them!"

"WE. AREN'T. BIRDS."

"Minor detail." I muttered under my breath.

Ino sighed. "Look, I know you don't like Karin."

I snorted. Can you say understatement?

"_But, _I need you to be nice, or you can't come back. And trust me, you need help. Will you please just try?" Ino was pleading using her puppy dog eyes, the ones nobody can resist.

Nobody but me.

"No." I said. "That whore is going down."

"Hi, my name is Sakura Haruno, and I'm a stalkoholic."

There was a chorus of hellos and how-do-you-dos following this statement. Honestly, the whole scenario seemed straight out of the movies.

Everyone seemed nice enough, but I think they were all afraid of me, 'Sakura the Slapper,' as they've dubbed me. It was better than 'Karin the Krusher', though. That chick was crazy enough to be a Kardashian.

A little boy raised his hand.

"Yes?" Karin asked.

"What's a stalkoholic?" he inquired.

"What a good question!" Karin cooed in a disgusting baby voice. The boy looked about 14. I would hope he wasn't in diapers anymore. "What is a stalkoholic, Sakura?" She asked with poorly concealed malice.

"Well," I began, "It's someone who follows someone else around. A lot. Like, a lot a lot."

"That's weird." Said the boy. I didn't like this kid.

"Yes, it really is." Karin answered. I glared at her.

"Not as weird as dying your hair tomato red." I snapped.

"You're one to talk, pinky!"

"How dare you?" I roared, fingering my pink strands. "This is all natural!"

"Okay!" Ino cut in. "Why don't we get back to introductions?"

"No!" The boy retorted. "Let 'em fight!"

I whirled around. "Listen kid." I spat. "I don't know who you are or what you're name is, and honestly I don't really care, but one more sassy remark out of you and I will personally make sure you won't be able to sass anyone ever again, because your tongue will be missing! Are we clear?"

He nodded.

"Now what do you have to say for yourself?"

A moment of silence passed, and I was suddenly aware that everyone in the room was watching us. And when I say everyone, I mean all of seven or eight people. Still, I could tell just looking at them that these people had serious issues.

There was a freaky man wearing a blue shark costume, with a berth of about five empty seats on either side of him. I pegged him as mentally unstable.

I also noticed a young man a little older than me, playing with a pot full of sand, watching us intently. Just playing with it. Though I tried to guess what his problem was, I just couldn't figure it out. He seemed fine. Maybe a little more bloodthirsty than most, and it wouldn't kill him to lay off the eyeliner (seriously, he looked like a panda), but he kind of reminded me of… me. Maybe we were distant cousins or something. He has the prettyprettygreen eyes too!

"Well?" I demanded, raising one eyebrow and expecting an apology.

Instead, the little smart-alek said, "My name… is Konohamaru."

Funny.

I was so proud of myself for not killing him right then and there, and it took every ounce of my strength to restrain from actually ripping his tongue out.

I'm definitely not a morning person.

In what I hoped was a sneaky way, I held my hand behind my back and flipped him off, hoping no one would notice.

They noticed, all right. The looks of disapproval on their faces said it_ all._

_Really, though? _The guy was a teenager, he could take it! These people have obviously been having trouble adjusting to the 21st century. It's publicly appropriate to be rude now! Just ask the man behind me last week at the stoplight! He was definitely being creative with his language.

Slowly, I lowered my hand, and slouched back to my spot next to Ino, who looked positively mortified.

Getting help was going to be harder than I thought.

I groaned, turning on the air conditioning. "That was awful."

"Oh, come on, it wasn't that bad." Ino soothed.

"Not that bad? Everyone hated me!"

"Not Hinata! She just strongly dislikes you!"

"What? Who's Hinata?"

"Hinata Hyuga. Purple hair, lavender eyes, goes to our school. She's working on her stutter. Ring a bell?"

"No."

"But she goes to our school!"

"Her and 2,000 other people."

"Well, I guess I'll have to introduce you two at Sui's tonight."

"Sui?" I asked with incredulity. "Sui? Are you sure there's nothing going on between the two of you?"

"I swear!" Ino claimed, clearly upset. That girl goes through mood changes faster than you can say pms. "God, we're just friends!"

"Really good friends, apparently," I replied, waggling my eyebrows, trying to lighten the mood.

"Leave me alone!" she returned. She looked ready to cry.

"Chill. I was joking, geez. I know there's nothing."

But I didn't, not really. Ino was acting weird, and I was going to get to the bottom of it.

Ino pursed her lips. "Whatever. Let's just get you ready. You're going to adore the dress I got for you! Oh, that reminds me, you owe me about $200."

"Where'd you get the dress? Tiffany's?"

"No, but the necklace came from there. Sakura Haruno, I am going to transform you into a princess."

I could deal with that, as long as Sasuke was my Prince Charming.

I just want my Happily Ever After.

**A/N: So there you go! Hope you liked the chapter, I had fun writing it. Finally, there's going to be some SasuSaku interaction next chapter, and of course you have the party to look forward to! Thanks for anyone who reviewed or alerted or favorite the story, I'm really happy with the reception I'm getting, considering this is my first fic. Stay tuned!**


	4. Chapter 3

Confessions of a Stalkoholic

Summary: "Hi, my name is Sakura Haruno, and I'm a stalkoholic."

Rated: T

Pairings: Sasusaku, ShikaIno

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. It sucks, but I don't.

**Chapter 3**

I stood ramrod straight, shoulders back, and chin held high as Ino examined me, looking for even the slightest imperfection. It was kind of discomforting, with her eyes racking me up and down, slowly and thoroughly. She then proceeded to take a step over and scrutinize me from a different angle. The process took an hour, with all of her little touch-ups.

I would much rather spend my time watching the latest episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians (or should I say KarTRASHians?). Just saying.

But, I had to admit, I looked really good. I was nothing compared to Ino, who just rolls out of bed looking gorgeous, but I could definitely come in a close second.

My dress was short and flirty, an apple green hue to match my eyes, and thin straps to hold it up (the last thing I needed was for my boobs to pop out on the dance floor. I was already showing more leg than I was comfortable with!). The neckline showed a tantalizing amount of cleavage, and accentuated my curves in all the right places. Goodbye size six, hello size two! There were little ringlets in my hair, and of course, my fancy-shmancy diamond studs adorned either ear (shove it, Karin).

But the shoes were show stoppers, and I knew it. Three words: Stil. ett. os. Strappy and sexy, the heels wound up my thighs, and sparkled in the light (the fabric was shimmery). They may have been a little impractical, but I've always been a fashion-before-function kind of girl.

What can I say? I looked hot!

But if I was hot, then Ino was on fire.

Her golden hair was down, perfectly splayed across her shoulders, and she had a small diamond-encrusted bow in her hair. Her dress was the palest of blue, almost white, and was a modern, party dress version of a ball gown, with the voluminous folds of her skirt cropped at the knee. To top it off, her heels were made of a see-through material. She was a 21st century Cinderella, and I was merely her lowly servant, brought to this planet to fluff her pillows and make her scrambled eggs and bacon for breakfast.

Woe is me.

My whiny, pathetic, schoolgirl complexity issues aside, I was excited. Suigetsu always threw the best parties, and tonight was sure to be a blast. That wasn't the only reason I was eager to get going. Rumors were circulating that Sasuke was planning to attend (okay, so maybe they weren't exactly rumors, but I just _overheard _him and Naruto talking about it. Just overheard. I wasn't eavesdropping!).

Tonight was the night. I was finally going to approach him (cue gasps)!

I already had it all figured out:

_I would walk into the room, looking practically perfect in every way. Sasuke would be sitting next to Naruto, angstily picking at his tomatoes (ew), and surveying the crowd._

_Our eyes would meet across the crowd, and his jaw would drop, as I sexily winked at him (Sakura the Seductress! I like it), pushing my boobs up for maximum cleavage (not that that would help, Sasuke doesn't have hormones. This was established in fifth grade, during the "family life" unit at Konoha Elementary. I don't think he even blinked during our 'lady parts' discussion)._

_He would stand up, brusquely shoving the hordes of adoring females away from him in his haste to reach me. The pesky fangirls would watch me with envy, plotting my demise in horrible, nasty ways._

_Finally reaching me, Sasuke would gaze down at me he with his smoldering, endless onyx eyes, and say-_

That was it. I just couldn't figure out what he would say.

Hey, Sakura, what's up?

I've loved you forever and ever, be mine?

The rednecks are coming?

I had no. Friggin'. Idea!

Maybe we could just skip the conversation part and go straight to making out. I entertained the thought of this as Ino and I climbed into her hot pink slugbug convertible, otherwise known as 'Miss Lovebug'. Yes, Ino names her cars. It's not like I can talk though, considering I don't even have one.

My mind is not a child-friendly place.

Before my thoughts could go anywhere near Rated X, I turned on the radio, and the sound of slow, depressing, stuff-your-head-in-your-pillow-and-cry music filled the car. The hell? Last time I checked, Ino liked the upbeat, annoying, get-stuck-in-your-head-at-the-WORST-POSSIBLE-MOMENT kind of songs.

Glancing at the info bar, the title of the song read 'Lost Cause, Broken Soul'. The station it was on was favorited. Shifting my gaze over to Ino, I noticed Ino mouthing the words.

Oh my God. Ino had been abducted by aliens.

Ahem.

Awkwardly clearing my throat, I addressed Ino. "So… this song's really… nice." I said, although the intonation of my voice posed it more as a question.

"Isn't it? It's just so easy to connect with!" Ino replied.

I was actually having a hard time connecting with it, considering how the singer was currently screeching about how he would rather kill himself than be without his ex-girlfriend.

Firstly, he was obviously a little disturbed.

Secondly, he needed to move on.

Thirdly, Ino was freaking the effin' crap out of me. Was that why she was in therapy? Because she was suicidal?

The topic of Ino's motives for therapy had never really come up, and I hadn't ever wondered why she had enlisted. The one and only session I had been to hadn't really addressed anyone's problems, other than my own. Karin and I had been too busy trying to claw each other's eyes out.

Before I could broach the topic, though, Ino pulled over on the curb next to Suigetsu's apartment building.

Suigetsu lived as an emancipated minor, as he had been kidnapped by some pedophile when he was younger, brought to America, and lived with his abuse for five years, before finally kneeing him in the groin and calling the cops.

Needless to say, he could take care of himself.

We clacked over (our heels were very loud) to the buzzing system, and rang for Apartment 7-E. The doors opened, and even from the first floor, I could hear the music pounding.

Briefly I wondered how on Earth Suigetsu had managed to clear a party of this size with the building manager, until I noticed a figure slumped over on the desk, with many many many beer bottles scattered around him.

Clever, clever Suigetsu.

Stepping into the elevator (Thank God it wasn't out of order- there was no way in Hell I was walking seven flights of stairs in my stilettos), I watched as the floor numbers blinked past.

With a ding, the doors slid open, and Ino and I stepped over numerous stoners and druggies (both conscious and not) as we picked our way carefully across the hall.

Ino stopped for a moment before the correct door, and a strange look came over her features, but it passed too quickly for me to decipher, and she knocked without missing another beat.

A voice behind the door whispered, "Password?"

"Sexyback."

Faintly I could hear the rustling of a lock, and then the door swing open.

We were in.

.

"Ew," I said loudly to Hinata, whom Ino had introduced to me before promptly disappearing. She really had the whole Cinderella thing down, from the show-stopping entrance (some people were still gaping at her, forty-five minutes later), to the disappearing act. Last I saw her, she was chatting with Shikamaru, and looked like she was in pain. I don't know if she ate some bad shrimp, or was worried about how much damage Shikamaru would do to her cool-factor (he wasn't exactly prime real-estate), but I thought she was going to start hyperventilating, from the look on her face.

"What?" Hinata asked, her cheeks flushed from all the drinks we'd been having. I found that the alcohol really helped ease her (TOTALLY ANNOYING) stutter, so naturally, I had gotten her more than what was probably healthy.

Hinata, surprisingly, was really fabulous, and we were becoming fast friends. I thought she might despise me after my little episode in therapy, but she was a loving and forgiving person (Praise the Lord), and we had been chatting all night.

"Look," I responded, pointing at a couple over in the far corner, clearly having the time of their lives.

"Oh, grode." Hinata said, a look of disgust etched on her face.

Then, to my utter surprise, she yelled, "HEY! YOU TWO! GET A ROOM!"

Ah, the wonders of alcohol!

Five minutes later, we were still laughing. "Impressive, Hinata! I didn't know you had that in you!"

"Oh, really?" she replied. "Well then, are you up for a challenge?"

"Bring it!" I was always up for a challenge.

Surveying the room, Hinata got an evil look in her eye. "I dare you to make out with him." She pointed her finger across the room, over to a couch filled with loud-mouthed perverts (cough-cough NARUTO)… and Sasuke, the proud recipient of Hinata's finger-point.

Ohhhhhh no.

Hinata, sensing my hesitation, goaded me. "Unless you're too _chicken._"

Well, I had been planning on approaching him anyway…

It was so on.

"Not on your life!" I exclaimed, hopping out of my seat. I don't know if I was imagining things, but it seemed like the crowd parted for me on my way over.

Maybe there were just less people in the room, because it seemed like everybody had taken Hinata's earlier suggestion and gotten a room of their own.

Being single sucks, sometimes.

I paused about three feet away from where Sasuke was sitting, psyched myself up, and sauntered over, complete with hip-swinging and eyelash-fluttering.

"Hi, Sasuke-kun." I said in my most flirtatious voice, pressing myself against his (so, so toned!) body.

He glanced at me, a bored and hazy look in his eyes, and grunted, "Hn."

What?

WHAT?

_What?_

A 'hn'?

After all my preparation, both physical and mental, I get a 'HN'?

Damn those stupid 'hns'!

I was infuriated, and my rage gave me confidence. In fact, it gave me enough confidence to skip the idle chit-chat and pull Sasuke's head to mine, much to Hinata's pleasure. I could hear her cheering me on across the room, and that was saying something, considering I could barely hear myself think.

The only thing running through my mind was _!_

I don't know where Sasuke got all his experience, but he was an amazing kisser.

Suddenly it was only me and him on the couch, and I don't mean that in the cliché, I only noticed me and him, kind of way. I mean, everyone else got off the couch, and the crowd around us whooped and hollered. After all, it wasn't every day the Uchiha Sasuke kissed a girl. Actually, I was almost positive this was the _only _day Uchiha Sasuke kissed a girl (I would know, I've watched him every day throughout his adolescent years).

Sasuke's mouth moved down to the hollow of my neck, and began to start sucking a particularly sensitive area as I moaned in pleasure. The Twihard in the back of my mind thought this was such a Twilight moment, as Sasuke was both gorgeous and strong enough to be a Cullen.

Bringing his lips back to mine, I traced my tongue around the outline of his mouth, and I was rewarded with a deep, masculine, lustful groan. My fingers combed through his silky raven-colored locks, and his own hands were crawling up from my butt (which was a shame, he was good with massages) to my waist, to my torso and OH MY GOD HE WAS TOUCHING MY BOOBS!

HOLY CRAP HOLY CRAP HOLY- Oh, that felt so good! The crowd around us was cheering even louder, and I picked out a few wolf-whistles. I moved my hands down to the hem of his shirt, and he pulled it over his head, as I shivered in pleasure. I raked my tongue over his, well, everything, as he cried out in ecstasy.

His hands crept under my dress and toyed with the thin strip of fabric I called underwear, pulling them down, inch-by-inch, and then, suddenly, he wasn't.

I registered three things as Ino pulled me away.

One: She was crying, and I mean actually crying, her tears not graceful at all. Ino was losing it, and this was the only reason I didn't protest as she pulled me through the apartment doors, down the sidewalk, and into the car.

Two: The radio station was still playing the miserable music, the lyrics even more heartbreaking than before, if that was possible.

But despite both of these things, I couldn't keep a smile off of my face as I ran three over and over through my head:

Maybe Sasuke had hormones after all.

.

**A/N: Sorry, I'm in a huge rush to get to a friend's house, so this is the best note you're going to get! Thank you everyone for your wonderful feedback, and as always, R&R! Ack, I'm so late!**


	5. Chapter 4

Confessions of a Stalkoholic

Summary: "Hi, my name is Sakura Haruno, and I'm a stalkoholic."

Rated: T

Pairings: Sasusaku, ShikaIno

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. It sucks, but I don't.

.

**Chapter 4**

I yanked the brush through my hair over and over again, sighing in relief when it finally slipped through the strands without catching a knot. I studied my reflection in the mirror, wondering what it was that had changed. To my eyes, I still looked exactly the same. Quirky pink hair, cute little nose, wide green eyes… nothing was different.

I felt different, though. My head was up in the clouds, and I felt on top of the world. For the first time in forever, I just felt happy. Like, I-just-got-a-new-puppy level happy.

Because, finally, Sasuke had noticed me too.

I just couldn't stop thinking about the way he kissed me, urgently and passionately. I replayed the scene over and over in my mind, as I'm sure the rest of the junior population was. I had already received 51 text messages and over 90 multimedia shout outs on Twitter, Facebook, and even MySpace (does anyone even use that anymore?).

They ranged from:

**Sakura, you go girl! I always knew your creepiness would pay off!111!1**

to

**LISEN BICH U MES WIT MY SASUKE AND I WIL MRDUR U AND EAT UR BONSSS**

So, naturally, I was a little nervous about coming back to school. Not only was I anxious about everyone's reaction to me, but I also wondered where this left us. Us being me and Sasuke, of course.

Were we a couple?

Were we friends?

Were we friends-with-benefits?

Were we just plain old benefits?

ACKACKACKACKACK! Why must everything be so difficult?

Fixing my part, I sashayed out of the bathroom and into the kitchen, grabbed a banana, and hurried out to meet Ino, who had just pulled into the driveway. She was tapping her foot impatiently by the time I had seized my backpack and scrambled into the passenger seat.

"Hey," I said, trying to act casual as I shut the door and we pulled away. Ino was weirding me out, but I didn't want to bring it up. She was practically oozing just-act-natural vibes.

"Hey," she echoed.

And cue the awkward silence.

"So…" I began, clearing my throat. "How was… church?"

"I didn't go." Ino replied.

What? Ino was the most religious person I knew. The last time she missed church it was because her granny died, and she had to attend her funeral, and she prayed the rosary six times to make up for it. "Why not?" I asked, hoping the question came off as an attempt at conversation and not an emotional attack.

She hesitated for a moment, and then shrugged it off. "I just didn't feel like it."

And that was the end of that exchange. I spent the next fifteen minutes pretending to be fascinated with my shoes.

It took all I had to stop from jumping for joy when the school building finally pulled into view. I forced myself to slowly unbuckle, roll up the window, and step out of the door at an even pace, but I could tell Ino wasn't buying it. Her eyes never left my back as I walked through the school doors.

The second I stepped inside though, Ino's peculiar behavior was the last thing in my mind. Everywhere I went, people pointed and whispered. I felt like the cliché pregnant girl in every movie- it sucked.

As I strolled past a group of freshman (psh, cute little frosh think they're so cool) I distinctly heard the words 'slutty whore' come out of the mouth of what had to be the sweetest looking girl I'd ever seen in my life. Seriously, this chick was adorable. So, naturally, I kicked her in the shin. I just couldn't bring myself to ruin that angel face.

She still cried though, so I was happy.

That's right. Be afraid, biatch. Be very afraid.

.

"Sakura Haruno, please report to the principal's office." Shizune-sensei's voice rang across the intercom, followed by the ringing of the first bell.

The principal's office? That meant I've received an award! I wondered what on earth I'd earned this time. I've been presented awards ranging from Highest GPA (4.1. Yes, you read that right) to Teacher's Pet (that one was kind of embarrassing…). My personal favorite was the Most Awards Award!

I skipped to the waiting area, a big smile on my face. And then I saw her, and it slipped right off.

Oh crap.

There sat the little freshman girl, holding an icepack to her very swollen leg.

Tsunade-sensei opened the door, no traces of the usual warmth in her eyes. She looked _pissed. _

"SAKURA!" she snapped. "MY OFFICE. NOW!"

I could only hope she had had enough booze today to put her in a happy place. I was sure as hell gonna need someone on my side. I didn't like the look that chick was giving me, still trying to reduce the puffiness in her shin. I allowed myself a smile of satisfaction. Tsunade-sensei had taught me well.

We shuffled inside, and I flinched when my teacher slammed the door closed.

She turned to me, and her eyes flashed red. Someone was not in her happy place.

Curse you, rehab.

.

I wandered the halls in a daze, Tsunade's words repeating in my head.

_I'm so disappointed in you, Sakura._

_What were you thinking? Your future was so bright!_

_Good luck getting in to Harvard now._

_Thirty days detention. Count 'em._

Detention. Detention. DETENTION.

I didn't even know where the detention room was! Sighing, I meandered over to my locker, grabbed my notebook and a pencil, and made my way to Kakashi's room. There was still ten minutes of first hour left, and the last thing I needed was to be caught roaming the halls without a pass.

I was so lost in thought that I almost missed the collective intake of breath when I entered the room. Almost.

There was no way I could've missed the tension. Crap. I had forgotten Sasuke was in my class. Nervously tugging on the hem of my uniform skirt, I shuffled toward my seat, head down. Still, I couldn't help but notice thirty pairs of eyes glancing between me and Sasuke, who was still as stone cold as ever. Seriously, that boy was a robot.

A very hot robot.

I floundered for the next nine and a half minutes, pretending to be busy drawing in my notebook, but the only thing on my paper when I was done was a bunch of scribbles that looked suspiciously like a woman stabbing herself. Subtle, much?

I snapped the pencil in half with anxiety.

The passing time bell finally came, and I was turning to leave when I bumped in to the one person I was trying to avoid. Because fate just loves me that much.

"Sorry!" I yelped, blushing as red as Karin's hair.

"Tch." He replied, rolling his eyes and tapping his foot impatiently as he waited for me to move so he could leave the classroom. Conveniently, I was blocking the door.

Um, excuse me?

"Uh… what?" I asked him, somewhat confused at his lack of reaction. Had he forgotten about last Saturday? Maybe he didn't recognize me! I knew the uniform would throw him off!

But obviously that wasn't the case. "Move, Sakura." He responded icily.

Bastard.

"No."

That's right. Mess with the bull, you get the bitch.

"In fact Sasuke, I need to talk to you. In private." With these words out of my mouth I shooed everyone else out of the classroom, then locked the door behind them. I could hear bodies scrambling to press themselves against the door, trying to eavesdrop on our conversation.

Whatever, losers. I ignored them, then spun to face Sasuke, who looked about as pissed as I felt.

"What do you want?" he asked impatiently. "I need to get to my next class."

"What I want is to know what your problem is!" I demanded. "Why are you acting like such a jerk? That's low, to kiss a girl one day and completely ignore her the next!"

Realization dawned in Sasuke's eyes. "That was you?"

Boy-with-the-chicken-ass-hair-and-personality-to-match say what?

"What do you mean, _that was you_? Of course it was me! It's not like I have an evil twin sister!"

Sasuke looked at me with no traces of gentleness in his eyes as he sent me a doozy: "Look," he began. "I was drunk. That kiss means nothing."

I was having trouble breathing, but I managed to choke out, "What?"

"Hn." He said. "I was _drunk. _You just did the right thing, at the right place, at the right time. Clearly, I wasn't thinking straight." Here he eyed me with disgust.

"Okay…" I began, taking slow, even breaths. "So, you were drunk. Still, you had to have felt something, right? I thought we had something special!"

He looked me in the eye, and I could see a thousand different emotions flash through them, too fast for me to decipher one from the next. But above all, I saw his annoyance.

"You're not _special,_" he sneered, "you're just lucky."

And with that, he brushed past me, opened the door, and walked away, leaving me standing there with a broken pencil and a heart to match.

.

**A/N: Yes. I just wanted to say THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to all who have read, favorited, alerted, reviewed, etc. All your feedback has a special place in my heart! On a different note, I was wondering if I should add any NaruHina into this fic, or if it would just be too much. Originally, I intended on keeping this one short. Thoughts?**

**And that's all. R and R- Kthxbii.**


	6. Chapter 5

Confessions of a Stalkoholic

Summary: "Hi, my name is Sakura Haruno, and I'm a stalkoholic."

Rated: T

Pairings: Sasusaku, ShikaIno

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. It sucks, but I don't.

.

**Chapter 4**

So let's summarize, shall we? In the space of a week, I:

Enlisted in a therapy with a bunch of creepers.

Was bitched at by my therapist.

Went to the party of the year, apparently, and barely remember any of it.

Made out with my life's obsession and supposed soulmate at said party.

Broke up with said soulmate/obsession, even though we weren't actually going out (actually, in my mind we were, but that's a minor detail).

And to top it off, I have detention for a month with a bunch of druggies (I'm assuming. I watch too many movies).

So, yeah, life's friggin' great.

Fantastic, really.

…

That was sarcasm.

.

In all honesty, I probably should've been upset with Sasuke.

I probably should've been the pissed off kickass heroine who marched right up to the (totally sexy) butthead and handed him his ass.

Or I could've been the annoying, sniveling, whiny, my-life-is-over fangirl who locks herself in the bathroom and writes on the stall door about how she and the (still sexy) butthead are meant to be (Um…vandalism much?).

But in all honesty, I felt the same as always, because in all my plans for Sasuke and my future, I always looked over one tiny little detail: I didn't know him.

I thought I knew everything about Sasuke, but I really don't know anything about him at all.

And so how could I be upset?

No. There's only one thing to do about Sasuke, and it's probably the first mature decision I've made in my entire life: I get to know him.

See? That's called progress!

It shouldn't be hard. I have almost all my classes with Sasuke. He's a smartie like me!

I picked up my phone and dialed Ino's number. She picked up on the last ring. "Hi!" she chirped, sounding abnormally cheery. "How're you feeling, sweetie? I heard about Sasuke."

I groaned. "Of course you did. That's actually why I called. What are you doing right now?"

There was a long pause on the other end of the line. "I'm, um, at a… friend's house."

Now that didn't make any sense. I glanced at my watch. It was one a.m. "Really?"

"Yeah!"

"Whose?"

There was another break of silence. "You don't… know him." Ino's tone was cautious, as if searching for the right words. She was obviously lying to me. But why?

I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt, as little as that was. "Ooooohkay." I said. "Pick me up a little early tomorrow?"

"You got it!" she sang, her voice annoyingly high-pitched.

"Okay, bye." I said, scrunching my eyebrows together.

"Bye!"

I was about to end the call when I heard Ino's sigh of relief on the other end. "That was _awful_." she said, to a baritone voice responded with a sarcastic "totally". Ino must've forgotten to hang up! This was the perfect opportunity to find out what was going on, and I sure as hell wasn't going to pass it up. I forced my breathing to be as quiet as possible as I strained to hear what she said next.

"I hate lying to her!" she whimpered.

"Why don't you just tell her, then?" the lower voice responded. I could've sworn I had heard it before. "You're going to tell her eventually, right?"

"Of course! It's just… not yet."

"Why not?" the other voice asked sharply. "Are you ashamed of me?"

Ino hastily responded. "No! It's nothing like that! Now's just not the right time. She's got a lot of stuff going on."

The male (or very boyish-sounding female) snorted. "Yeah. Her life's a tragedy."

There was a beat of silence. Then a sigh. "Ino, what are we doing?"

"I don't know." she said. "But I do know that your parents aren't home, I'm not wearing a shirt, and you're looking pretty damn sexy yourself. So are you going to ravish me into oblivion or what?"

He chuckled, then muttered a low, sensual, "get over here" and Ino giggled.

Pants and moans started flowing through the receiver, and as first I didn't understand what I was listening to. Then I heard Ino cry breathlessly, "Oh, Shika!" and I definitely got the message.

I'm sure I was blushing redder than Riding Hood's coat as I scrambled to press the end call button.

Oh. My. God.

So Ino was secretly sneaking around with a guy nicknamed Shika.

A grin spread across my face. I was_ so_ using this as blackmail one day!

I closed my eyes, snuggled under the covers and dreamed of Sasuke.

.

The next morning, after yanking a brush through my hair and pouring myself a bowl of Cocoa Puffs, Ino arrived on my doorstep, looking exhausted. I tried not to smirk.

"Morning, Sleeping Beauty!" I greeted her. Inwardly, I laughed at my own joke. I crack myself up sometimes. "Sleep well?"

I couldn't keep a smile off my face as I noticed her flash of panic, before she laughed. "Yup!" she said nervously.

"I'll bet." I responded, wanting so badly to shake her until she told me all the intimate details. Instead I just poured her a cup of coffee and got down to business. "So," I began, looking her straight in the eye. "You are going to help me win my darling little Sasucakes over. Any ideas?"

Ino choked on her Kona blend.

"I'll take that as a no."

.

I kept my head down most of the day at school, taking notes and keeping quiet like the good schoolgirl my mama raised me to be. By the end of the day, no one was giving me the stink-eye or the look-of-pity anymore. The new scandal on campus was Suigetsu and Karin's illicit hookup. Frankly, I was over the moon about it. The two deserved each other.

I'd call them both pigs, but I happen to think pigs are rather cute. So I'll settle for slutty bastards instead.

Those slutty bastards.

It wasn't until the dismissal bell rang that anything eventful actually happened. I shoved my way onto the bus, bumping into approximately, oh, everything. I hated public transportation. Buses were smelly and gross and everyone looks like they're going to molest you. But of course, Ino has cheerleading after school every day, so she can't give me a ride.

Sure enough, I noticed two boys a year younger than me smoking in the back, sniggering and staring at my chest.

Ew. Like I would ever offer up my merchandise to either of them! Didn't they have somewhere to be? Like, I don't know, detention or something?

Then I remembered. Shiznit!

I pushed through the aisle, swearing under my breath and earning myself a few choice words in return from the bus driver himself when I stuck my foot right in between the closing door. "I need to get off!" I pleaded desperately. He just flicked me off and waved his other free hand, then opened the door and all but rammed me out. He sped away faster than you can say "asshole".

"Love you too." I said sarcastically.

Hiking my backpack over my shoulder, I trudged to the detention center.

Three hours with instigators? Great.

I plunked into a seat in the back and tried to turn invisible.

The next thirty seconds were Hell. With a bunch of big, angry looking kids wearing leather jackets and filing their nails with knives, I felt like I was drowning in stereotypes.

My salvation came in the form of an orange jumpsuit.

"Hey!" he exclaimed, causing way too much unwanted attention for my taste with that ridiculously loud voice of his. "You're Sakura, right?"

"That's my name." I replied tiredly.

Everyone knows Naruto. Not only is he loud and always causing a scene, he's just a genuinely nice guy. He's friends with anyone and everyone, and he's that kind of person that you can't help but smile around.

He's also Sasuke's best friend.

I can see why they work so well together. They perfectly balance each other's personalities. Naruto gets Sasuke to loosen up, to some extent, and Sasuke gets Naruto to stop being an idiot, to some extent. This one time-

Oh my God.

_Naruto is Sasuke's best friend._

It was perfect! All I needed was to recruit Naruto into Operation Sasukcakes, as I had so dubbed it, and then hello, honeymoon!

"Wait, you're that girl, aren't you? The one Sasuke made out with at the party?"

I grimaced. "The very same."

"Bastard!" he yelled.

I beamed. I was starting to really like this guy. "I'm glad you think so."

And that's how it all began… (cue the DUN DUN DUN)

.

**A/N: I'm not as happy as I could be with this, but honestly it was time to update, so hopefully this'll tide you over until I can release another chappy. Also, I HAVE ANOTHER STORY COMING OUT! And I already have like 5 chapters written, so there won't be any long waits for a while. It's a oneshot collection and I'm kindasortamaybe really proud of it. Also, I have a SECOND NEW STORY COMING OUT! More on that in my new story (should be out tomorrow, but no promises). So... review and you can be my bestfriend! And it's always nice to make a new friend. :) **


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